I feel tired and fuzzy all the time. I have often wondered whether it is normal to feel so rough all the time and obviously the answer is no. I compare my state of energy to other people and often ask myself if they are feeling the same. Jono seems to have more energy for doing things than I could ever imagine. He is on the go all the time, I don’t know how he does it.

So I was interested to read that Steve Kemp has a similar problem. While he thinks his problems might be an undiagnosed condition, mine are most probably not.

I have long thought it might be a result of some illness that has gone unnoticed, like diabetes (I drink a lot of fluid and react strangely to lots of sugar), or thyroid problems (some days I feel ok, some days I can’t get out of bed) or even as a result of the oxygen starvation I suffered during the multiple cardiac arrests I had when I was a newborn (the doctors thought I would be brain-damaged). I have asked my doctor and also analysed my lifestyle myself. My doctor’s answer was to eat more dark green vegetables. This would help, but my diet isn’t that bad, though it could be better.

To be honest, my problem is most likely that I am under-motivated and find it easy to slip into a pattern of ‘late to bed, late up’ when I have a workload, or nothing better to do. I am in this phase at the moment. I am going to bed at 4am. Going to bed earlier means staring at the ceiling for hours. Consequently I can’t get up before midday, frequently more like 2pm. As a result I feel awful all day. The only answer is to force myself out of bed at some early, yet do-able time, like say, 10am, then force myself to stay up all day and go to bed tired at maybe 12am and then try to get up at say 9am, which is perfectly reasonable when you don’t have to get up and again stay up all day until perhaps 11pm or 12am.

The problem is that if I get up early as I did yesterday (11am *blush*), I feel so tired all day that I can’t keep my eyes open and by 3pm I have to take a nap in a bid to rescue some kind of productivity from the day, so I am able to do some work later on.

I have 4 alarm clocks. I can sleep through 3 of them. The other one I get out of bed and turn off without remembering, while I am barely conscious.

This is a pathetic state of affairs. It’s my own under-motivation that is the problem, but I’m sure if everybody else felt as awful as I do, then they would get up late or take a nap as I have to. I have to sort this out as it’s costing me my degree. I got some lousy grades last semester as a result of not being able to work in the daytime and having to work late at night.

When will someone invent human ACPI? I hear the army train you to fall asleep at will and then wake up again when you need to without feeling tired. Perhaps I need a boot camp.